


All the 'good' is gone from the word "Goodbye"

by QuantumAlice



Category: Sherlock - Fandom, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes (Downey films), Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Pining Sherlock, Sad Sherlock, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Waston is getting married, kinda sad, onesided Sherlock, repost from livejournal, so many feels, this fic is old I mean OLD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 09:49:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6748861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuantumAlice/pseuds/QuantumAlice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holmes muses to himself the things he's done to Watson in the recent past... and he's not the least bit ashamed of what he's done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the 'good' is gone from the word "Goodbye"

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is OLD, seriously OLD! I wrote it back in... 2010 I believe? Not too long after I saw the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movie, but BEFORE I discovered the BBC Sherlock Tv series. I fell in love with the chemistry of RDJ and Jude Law had on the screen so I wrote this based on the headcanon I came up with and I song I heard somewhere but I can't remember where. It's kinda sad, there are some mistakes, but I like it and wanted to share it here.
> 
> I have been lurking in the community for a long while here and there. I figured these will be my de-lurking contribution to this amazingly awesome Sherlock community. I have really grown to love this pairing. So I hope you enjoy this humble offering.

~All the 'good' is gone from the word "Goodbye"~  
  
~~//~~  
  
I have done everything but simply say “don’t go”.  
  
I have sabotage his tea time with the in-laws and her without the slightest sense of remorse.  
  
I have burst into his rooms unannounced regardless of the time or the doctor’s state of dress. _{I take enormous wicked pleasure in seeing his startled flushed expression. Its positively endearing to witness him fuss and stammer ‘H..h.. HOLMES! For god sake KNOCK before you enter!’ as he rushes to make himself decent in my presence }_  
  
I have shamelessly tricked him in to helping solve some mine puzzle or clue. {Even though he expressed reverently ‘its for the last time Holmes…’ it never is}  
  
I have taken a great deal of delight in stealing his clothes whenever the mood strikes, however its always conveniently ‘forget’ to send my own things to the laundress. _{It shall be nothing short of the apocalyptic comings when I freely disclose that I take his clothes simply because they are his. Neither shall I confess that the shirt I barrowed or those trousers I liberated from his modesty wardrobe, held any sort of value by quite purely coming into contact with the doctor’s lithe frame. Yes, it shall be a cold day in hell indeed before I own up to being intoxicated with his unique personal scent, a cologne that never fails to linger in our rooms long after he’s vacated them.}_  
  
I have practiced my violin at random hours of the night, knowing full well he could hear me. _{Though what the dear Doctor fails to realize is my method for playing. Through two stories, three doors and four narrow flights of staircases away, I can literally sense when he is distress. I can hear him shift restlessly when his old wounds throbs and aches, I know when the good doctor is in the icy grip of the ghosts of his past._  
  
_So whether it is outside his door on the sill of the bay window, or in the Salon directly under his own room I play. A slow sonata to lure him back to safe and deep sleep, or a jaunty tune to chase back the demons that have him in their sharp talons, I simply play.}_  
  
I have willfully and knowingly withheld tantalizing and vital information because I he wouldn’t be able to resist following me. _{Its nice to know when I am right, but then again I usually am always right aren’t I?}_  
  
I have deliberately kept his money from him, vexing the good doctor to no ends. _{I do this not because of his past gambling habits, but because he would use it to buy her that wretched ring… if that was to happen… then… then it would make it ‘officially official’. He would really be leaving me… leaving me to marry some… some… blasted governess!}_  
  
A governess! Upon my word! I can see the monotony of that marriage right before my very eyes! My dear Doctor thinks he wants a normal life, but I know better. He was not made to be ordinary; no he is in every sense of the word extraordinary.  
  
Case in point, if he was made for the mundane why would he, _a) go into the military, b) become a military surgeon, c)do an extended tour for the Afghan Wars?_ The good doctors knows full well as I do that if he had wanted to practice medicine he did not need her majesties royal commission to do that.  
  
No he needs the thrill, whether he would own it or not and despite… no I correct myself because of his experiences the good, the bad all of it shaped him into the man he is today. It’s the very reason why there is nobody I would rather have by my side. Lace dollies and patterned china are most certainly not meant for his future; I shudder and scorn the very thought of them.  
  
Though he tries to fight it, the good doctor needs me. On the other hand he does not realize just how much I need him… he’s liken me to being a brooding child who’s favorite toy is being taken away. He’s only partially correct in his musings.  
  
Watson… John… he is no mere toy to me… he is everything! My everything and my all He is the air I breath, the food I eat _{when I remember to that is},_ the tea I drink. There is no ‘his and mine’ only ‘ours’. There is no one else for me but my dear doctor not even the siren Irene.  
  
You would think the good doctor would know all this… seven plus years of being partners, brothers even you think some of my… heh impeccable powers of deduction and genius would have rubbed off on him.  
  
But alas… it hasn’t a pity really.  
  
I hear him now; coming up the stairs, from the sound of his footsteps his bad leg is bothering him again. I vacate my chair and walk over to the window just as he enters the study. As I observe the comings and goings of the outside world I ask him dryly,  
  
“How was tea with the in-laws, my dear Watson?”  
  
There is a slight pause before he answers, I know he’s judging whether or not my interests in genuine.  
“Tea was lovely Holmes thanks for asking, Mary’s parents seem to really approve of me. This makes everything else run smoothly.” He replies attentively I hear a slight smile in his tone.  
  
Picking up my Stradivarius _{I had to keep my hands from fisting and giving visibility to my true feelings}_ I turn back to face him. As I suspected he’s seating in the chair with his bad leg propped up and his head leaning back on the cushion.  
  
I give him a smirk I don’t feel and begin to play a soft melody, the doctor’s eyes close and a smile barely blooms on his full mouth.  
  
“I must say Holmes you are being very good about all this now… then you have been in the past and… well thank you old chap it means a lot to me.”  
  
“Mhmm of course I have I told I would did I not? Now, did you walk all the way from Mary’s parent’s home?” I inquired after some minutes had past. I kept my gaze solely on his face; he did not open his eyes to reply. “Hmm only part way I took a cab about half way here then walked the rest of the way… the weather was mild enough for it why?”  
  
At this a turquoise eye peers at me and this time my smile is more authentic, letting my gaze ghost over his leg I cock an eyebrow I give him the look. The eye closes again, he shifts to get more comfortable there’s nothing to be said and I resume playing.  
  
I could have gone into a long elaborate explanation of ‘why’ but I didn’t I merely played until he was sound asleep. A knock came from the door and I got up letting Ms. Hudson in I asked her to prepare some tea for the doctor and I, and also to bring up a warm compress for Watson leg. When she had closed the door I walked back over to the slumbering Watson and set about memorizing his face.  
  
He looked innocent as he slept I wanted to reach out and caress his smooth cheek, but I refrained from doing so though just barely. When he goes away… goes to her it will be a black day for me. I dread the wedding I do not wish to go to it, but I know he expects me there.  
  
Everything good will be gone from my life when he leaves me. How he does not realize that simple fact is beyond me I have done everything, everything but say…  
  
_‘With you I am complete…’_  
  
_‘Without you my life is nothing…’_  
  
_‘You take my heart and my soul with you…’_  
  
_‘Please don’t go away…’_  
  
_‘Please don’t leave me alone…’_  
  
_‘I need you… please don’t leave me alone…’_  
  
_‘Please don’t go… please…’_  
  
~fin

**Author's Note:**

> :p And yes there will be a sequel...
> 
> If I remember the name of the song, I'll make sure to post it! lol


End file.
